The Pain I Cannot Share

"Happy Mother's Day," they say.

When I Was Fourteen

At fourteen disco was all the rage on the radio
Saturdays spent skating, waiting for the songs that are slow.
All week I'd dream in my room that he'd ask for me that night.
My heart would race, my throat went dry when he was in my sight.
Much care was taken to choose the jeans and shirt  that I'd wear.
Kristi had the look I'd want, I copied her feathered hair.
Eyelids blue, lips shining glossy, tasting of sweet cherry.
Conscripted in conforming style but not ordinary.
To be popular you had to look like everyone else.
Struggling in a time when you are trying to find yourself.
So much energy spent to only be part of the herd.
Thinking of being fourteen now I can see how absurd
I acted to fit in with people who stayed stuck in ruts
In truth, I was never like them, they all think I am nuts.
That guy I hoped would ask me out, turns out that he is gay.
He's been my close friend and confidant since we broke away.
At fourteen all you want to do is to find acceptance.
You strive hard for approval from every acquaintance.
Dear fourteen year old me, you are perfect at being you.
Accept yourself and your flaws and live a life that's true

Hippocrickets

I'm not like you.
My eyes are brown, not blue
Years ago I broke my brain,
I'll never be the same again.
You cannot see the scars I bear.
And when I hurt, you just don't care.
You seem to think we are the same.
So when I'm sick, you'd rather blame...
me

Me...
You say I should get over it!
My square peg will never fit.
It took me years to accept this fact
It's who I am.  It's not an act.

You...
You say you care about my plight
You who claim I have a right
A right to be just like you.
Yeah, you really have no clue!

We...
We the people you wish to lead
hear your words and lack of deeds.
Pave our roads with your intentions
While attending your conventions

You are broken yet you don't know
But quick to point your finger, though!
Please quit trying to fix me
Fix yourself first, let me be!

Abstract Quantification

How does one measure yet another year?
It's not like a mile which is far or is near.
I went no great distance, I am still here.
Yet much has changed, that is very clear.
Time is not measured like we do sound.
It's not a like a shape that is square or is round.
Time marches on, its little feet pound,
Forward we move to a destination unfound.
The year is a wheel, they say my friend.
Ever a circle, no beginning or end.
And on this journey this currency we spend
one cannot save,borrow or lend.
How does one measure what cannot be seen?
It has no up, down, under, or between.
Time rules us all like no king or queen.
So savor each second for the pleasure you glean.
For when your time is up all that is left is what's done
So better make it worth every minute of fun.
Know that for all time you will be the only one
who traveled your own path around the sun.

Picking Up

There is no sense to be made and no blame to be laid for one who chose to leave.
Shocked and stunned, you stumble along too confused to bereave.
You're left searching clues like yesterday's news, it's done.
They went away and you're here to today to see the sun.