Catch The Magick

 Wishing I could console a friend,

wishing I could make amends,

wishing I could find solace...

Wishing I could have one kiss.

As I think of being alone,

sitting here on my own.

I will remember we share the stars.

We catch the magick and make it ours.

Life is what happens

 Life is what happens:

At 3 in the morning my mind won't relax

My thoughts race amok in my mind on one track

Caught in the headlights of my future so bright

I'm paralyzed and won't move, frozen in fright.

Day in and day out, stuck in routine,

strolling the halls of, "what might have been."

I can see the promise of what lies in store

If only I had courage to walk out my door.

So safe in my room each day I hide,

trying to learn to take it in stride

Because, life is what happens without our consent

Time has no conscience, it doesn't relent.

I sift through the bullshit to find what is real

The currency that matters is one you can't steal.

At 3 in the morning, I'm anywhere but here

I'm lost in the night, dancing with fear.

Life isn't happening, it's caught in stasis.

I shouldn't be here, I know where my place is.

(c) Pamela McAfee 5/17/2013 (at 3 in the morning)

My Secret Smile

 A Samhain Time From Long Ago:

So many years ago when Saturn returned,

Who knew the lessons yet unlearned?

We were adrift in a sea of friends that night

Sailing in our darkness, we somehow felt the light

That attracts two lost and kindred souls

To safety amongst the rocks and shoals

Each day I lost more of my heart

On this path I did not chart

And you were hard like cold dark steel

whose secret chinks would not reveal

That you were one who did feel pain

and I was one who could be strong again.

In my arms you could yield

My caring heart would be your shield

I gave you my shoulder, you lent me your hand

And gave me strength so I could stand.

You know I loved you, your bad boy style!

You remain my secret smile.

And though our paths one day did part

You took with you a piece of my heart

You brought me music, you brought me thrills

You took me from a life that kills

the dreams of those like you and me

You changed my life, you set me free

Now you are gone and I still live

This Samhain maybe I'll forgive

My shield was not there to spare

but I hope you know that I did care

I couldn't take away your pain

If I could hold you once again

I would tell you there is hope

Even when you cannot cope

Words are empty when they fall

on your ears if I can't call

Maybe you thought you went alone

But you took a piece of my heart that you own

I hope it's so you will know me when we meet again

We always promised that we'd still be friends

This is not over...

Feast Of Fools

A fool's journey starts
When one stops.
Circles have no end.

The Pain I Cannot Share

"Happy Mother's Day," they say.

When I Was Fourteen

At fourteen disco was all the rage on the radio
Saturdays spent skating, waiting for the songs that are slow.
All week I'd dream in my room that he'd ask for me that night.
My heart would race, my throat went dry when he was in my sight.
Much care was taken to choose the jeans and shirt  that I'd wear.
Kristi had the look I'd want, I copied her feathered hair.
Eyelids blue, lips shining glossy, tasting of sweet cherry.
Conscripted in conforming style but not ordinary.
To be popular you had to look like everyone else.
Struggling in a time when you are trying to find yourself.
So much energy spent to only be part of the herd.
Thinking of being fourteen now I can see how absurd
I acted to fit in with people who stayed stuck in ruts
In truth, I was never like them, they all think I am nuts.
That guy I hoped would ask me out, turns out that he is gay.
He's been my close friend and confidant since we broke away.
At fourteen all you want to do is to find acceptance.
You strive hard for approval from every acquaintance.
Dear fourteen year old me, you are perfect at being you.
Accept yourself and your flaws and live a life that's true

Hippocrickets

I'm not like you.
My eyes are brown, not blue
Years ago I broke my brain,
I'll never be the same again.
You cannot see the scars I bear.
And when I hurt, you just don't care.
You seem to think we are the same.
So when I'm sick, you'd rather blame...
me

Me...
You say I should get over it!
My square peg will never fit.
It took me years to accept this fact
It's who I am.  It's not an act.

You...
You say you care about my plight
You who claim I have a right
A right to be just like you.
Yeah, you really have no clue!

We...
We the people you wish to lead
hear your words and lack of deeds.
Pave our roads with your intentions
While attending your conventions

You are broken yet you don't know
But quick to point your finger, though!
Please quit trying to fix me
Fix yourself first, let me be!